This post is from Trident athlete Kristina Thomas. It’s from her personal blog, Dawn Points, and was originally posted in January. We wanted to share it with the Trident community to let you know that there’s so much support at 2504 Oakville St., it’s ridiculous.
Today, I climbed a rope. At the top, I cried.
I have worked for ten months to scale the fifteen feet to the ceiling of Trident CrossFit. Tapping the mark, I was triumphant. Then I looked down. My feet slipped. My hands gripped. My focus was hopelessly devoted to remaining calm: a dire mistake. Had I instead channeled my concentration to re-locking my feet, would I have descended with some grace? It is a question of no practical content; despite Aby’s promise to grant me any comfort I could imagine, he could not rewind time.
When my arms began to shake with exhaustion, my focus cracked and I began to cry. I did not only cry, I wailed. Then, realizing I blubbered in front of a gym of peers, friends, coaches I respected, admired, to whom I never want to show anything but my best, I sobbed.
They had me slide, until I could grab the nearby Rogue rig and shimmy my way to stand on Andy’s shoulders. Initially I ran to escape, but Trident’s given me strength of character as well as body. With some moments by a tree, I confirmed that I was back on solid ground then went back inside to roll out my muscles and face my shame.
My past self would not have returned. When I overheard girls at my high school discussing my eating disorder, I transferred to a public school for a clean slate. When I did not have the strength of character to accompany a good friend to her brother’s funeral because I had a conflicting test, I distanced myself and ended the friendship. When a cute boy made fun of my Tranformer’s Halloween costume, I switched majors. Shame, guilt, embarrassment: drivers of my life since 1999 (oh those formative pre-teen years.)
But when I made myself enter the gym, I received high-fives and hugs. I fought back against the undertow of shame, embarrassment, and guilt that usually pulls me under and sweeps me away. I did pull down my hair and avoid all eye contact. I did cry in the car. But I also did a lot better than I usually do.
I think it was a bit of a Jessica Day moment. Same circumstances. Lots of puppies in lots of cups.